Monday, August 12, 2013

STALLONE AGAIN, NATURALLY (THE SEQUEL)

Sly did not stop with Rocky, and Barry did not stop with the first version of this parody, although I could not find a musical rendition of any of the sequels.

But I figured the lyrics were worth a read...

In a little while from now
when I'm a man, not a mouse
I promised myself to treat myself
to visit a movie house
and fall into my seat
and popcorn I would eat
and watch right there as old Sylvester
Stallone kicks some major keister
putting on the clamps
as the champ, Rocky Balboa
or John Rambo, whose war, you know
is never really ovah.
It makes me want to hurl
at each film he'll unfurl.
Stallone again, naturally.
Yo.

We cheered him in '76
and watched all his later tricks
and he blew things up, and we lived it up
and we all got our needed kicks.
But he went "Over the Top"
let the box-office money drop
then tried comedy, what a travesty.
He should stick to action thrillers.
But I saw "Rambo III," it was just some stupid filler.
And Rocky dumped that Russian bum.
Who's he fighting next, Godzilla?
It's making my brain bleed
'cause it truly is indeed
Stallone again, naturally.
Yo.

It seems that there are more bad films premiering every day.
They're well-intended, but just pretended.
What will we do? What will we do?

(instrumental break)

Stallone, again, naturally.
Yo.

And looking back over the years
as the rain's falling on my ears
I remember how I cried when old Mickey died
and Apollo's death gave me tears.
And at 58 years old
you'd think he could rest his soul.
He's a famous man.
He's got Adrian.
He's even got a Rocky Junior.
By now he's taken on every conceivable villain.
But can't resist a "Rocky VI."
Yo! Sly! You should be chillin'!
But ten bucks I will pay.
Whose film I see today?
Stallone again, naturally.

Stallone again, naturally.


Yo.

11 comments:

  1. Forget Rocky VI. Where's "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, Part II"?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Funny you should ask...I believe Sly is pitching a crossover sequel called "Stop! Or My Mon Will Shoot Rambo And Catch Rocky In The Crossfire"....

      He's still looking for a script...you might have an opportunity here....

      Delete
  2. Funny lyrics.

    I loved the original Rocky movie. Who didn't???

    I never did care for the Rambo flicks. I think it was just too much violence for little ole me.

    However, I really did like Tango & Cash. I think that is the best Stallone film, aside from the first Rocky. Ironically, the worst Rocky film (the last) has one of the most motivational monologues in it. Go figure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you mean Rocky Balboa was the worst?

      I actually liked that more than II through V...nothing could touch the first, though.

      The Rambo flicks were violent, and then Stallone would always do an unnecessary pontification at the end where he rehashed what he'd spent the prior 90 minutes demonstrating (in between demonstrating various methods of ending human life).

      While I did think Tango & Cash has its moments, I thought they should have cast the roles in the other order (Stallone as the straight guy just did not work for me).

      He had a few surprisingly decent films in the 90's (Cliffhanger, Daylight, Copland, Get Carter), but sadly never learned that he lucked out on Rocky and was not much of a writer or director.

      He has a comedy coming out later in the year (Grudge Match) where he and DeNiro play aging boxers who get in the ring...looks like it may have potential...

      Delete
    2. No, I didn't mean Rocky was the worst. Ha! The first film was GREAT. What I think is interesting that one of the most motivational Rocky speeches come from his last film (and it was the worst, in my opinion). However, that scene is/was great.

      Delete
  3. >>... [Stallone] and DeNiro play aging boxers who get in the ring

    What's that going to be titled?

    'THE ITALIAN STALLION' VS. 'THE RAGING BULL'

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was either that or "Rocky versus Planet Of The Apes"

      Delete
  4. Methinks you're confusing your Stallone pictures...

    Actually, the next Rambo sequel is tentatively titled 'RAMBO VS. PLANET OF THE APES'.

    Rambo, Balboa, Ramboa, BamBam, Robama, ... it's hard to keep those diverse characters straight in one's mind. But none of them is "a baby killer". Well... actually, maybe the last one is.

    RAMBO BALBOA

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right-it was "Rocky Versus Yoda From Star Wars"

      Delete
  5. Did you hear they are making an Expendables III? The cast is amazing, but as one person stated, be nice to have a story that lived up to the cast.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd seen that as well.

      It's kind of hard to do much with a script in that genre....it's all been done.

      Delete