Monday, July 15, 2013


All you need to learn in life you can learn from watching "A Bronx Tale."

Okay, maybe that is a bit of a stretch.

I know this is a music blog, but on a couple of occasions (HERE and HERE), I have participated in blogfests listing my favorite movies.

One movie that always makes the cut is 1993’s A Bronx Tale, starring Robert DeNiro in his directorial debut and featuring/written by Chazz Palminteri.

This excellent film opens with the sounds of romance in the Bronx (“Marie! Get in the f*&king car!”). There are a few violent scenes, but mostly the story is about a boy who is drawn to the local gangster against the wishes of his bus-driver father.

I also love the film because of all the important life lessons contained within. You may think I say this in jest, but all you need to know in life, you can learn from watching this film.

And I am going to prove it.

Today continues a series of posts describing the valuable  lessons contained in the film.

“The saddest thing in life is wasted talent, and the choices that you make will shape your life forever.”

Lesson 4: How To Pick A Life Partner

One of the young turks in the movie talks about doing a “test” on a girl by taking her on the highway, getting the attention of a truck driver and seeing if she blows you in front of him. If she does, don't make plans to marry her.

The test sounds stupid, but it's legitimate. If a girl has no respect for herself, especially in public, she's no good. Drop her like a bag of yesterday's bread

This is the “Mario Test.”

After hearing about how C feels about Jane, Sonny tells C about the “Door test.”

I've been doing this one since I first saw the movie, although with the proliferation of electric locks (I may be the only person in America without power door locks on his car), it becomes harder to implement.

When you take a lady out for the first time, lock the door on your side of the car.

Walk her to her door and hold it open for her, letting her in the car first.

Walk around the back, and see if she unlocks the door for you.

If she does, she's a keeper.

If she doesn't, she's a selfish bitch and you should consider yourself lucky to have recognized that early on.




  1. I kid you not, I tried the door test on my wife before, since one of my cars is old and has the manual locks. She didn't notice until I was almost to the door, but she saw that it was locked and unlocked it for me. BAM. Sealed the deal!

    1. Oh yeah-you found a keeper!

      That door test is gold!

  2. Funny! Wouldn't work with my car though.
    Wife buys you expensive electronic device after just a couple months of dating - keeper!

    1. Actually, I think the real lesson is to just pay attention.

      People are on their best behavior in those first couple of months, so if you see warning signs then, it's just going to get worse-the only variable is how much worse.

      People think they can change other people-they really need to be thinking if they can live with it.